Thursday, July 28, 2005


I've come to realize some of my fears in the last few days. One of my own fears is in my ability to meet my own expectations. It sounds kind of strange, but in many ways it was holding me back. I was reminded of a short scene from the movie Waking Life. If you haven't seen it, it is a bunch of monologues and dialogues on philisophical, political, and life in general.
The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness. And, once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. It bursts into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit. To say yes to one instant, is to say yes to all of existence.
This can be taken many ways, but in a way my fear was just me being afraid to say yes to some of the opportunities that come my way. But it wasn't just fear, it was apathy that had come along with the feeling of lacking direction in the short term. This summer I felt a lot of the time as if I really had nothing worthwile to do. But while I was in Hawaii, I had a fair amount of time to just reflect on a lot of things. While I was in Hawaii, I made a friend who just talked to me about life, and it was one of the best conversations I had in a long time.

Since I've been back, I feel reenergized, and really want to put some of my ideas in essay form. Expect a lot more like the one I already wrote. Or even an update to that (I'll let you know if I do that).

As promised I have a song of the day for all of you. It is Too Close To See by Strung Out.

I'm going to be at a concert tomorrow night (Rise Against, Alkaline Trio, and Death By Stereo, for all of you who were wondering). I don't know if I will post or not, but there is a good chance I will. Maybe I'll see some of you at the show.

Embrace what is good

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